Erich Fromm - Psychology, Love and Life
Erich Fromm (1900 -1980)
German-born American psychiatrist and philosopher (poictured right).
His most famous book
is...
The Art of Loving (1956) that emphasizes love and individual freedom.
What did he teach us about love and life?
1. Human needs
People have five needs:
- relatedness (to love yourself, other people and nature).
- transcendence (to be creative and fulfilled).
- rootedness (to have values and customs from your past and a belief in a better
future).
- identity (to have respect as a person).
- orientation (to give your life purpose).
2. The courage to be human
You must:
- fight to be a good and kind person with a “humanistic
conscience” that tells you to help others.
- do something worthwhile (what Fromm called “productive work”).
- have a “democratic conscience” i.e. decide what’s right for yourself.
Fromm rejected an “autocratic conscience”, where somebody else tells you what’s right (as in
religion).
The problem is that “man is dead”, he says, because people’s lives are so meaningless.
3. Love
Love (or “mature love”) is an attitude, not an emotion and involves:
- care (doing things for others with patient self-sacrifice).
- responsibility (for others).
- knowledge (of what others truly want and need).
- respect (for others' opinions, beliefs and preferences).
So mature love isn’t falling in love but involves:
- self-sacrifice and hard work.
- self-respect and listening (to others and your inner
self).
- courage (to take risks and avoid painful disappointment)
- equal partnership (not domination).
- long-term commitment and patience.
You must give time to yourself as well as other people.
“If an individual is able to love productively, he loves himself too”, Fromm said.
4. Develop the positive side of your character
Every trait of your character has a positive and negative side.
You are a better person, if you concentrate on the positive. For example:
Positive |
Negative |
Devoted |
Submissive |
Open-minded |
Unprincipled |
Idealistic |
Unrealistic |
Trusting |
Gullible |
Self-confident |
Arrogant |
Initiative taking |
Aggressive |
Cautious |
Anxious |
Tenacious |
Stubborn |
Tolerant |
Indifferent |
5. Freedom
You must:
- be your own person - do what you want, not what other people tell you.
- be ruled by your conscience - conscience and loving others are the only restrictions
on your freedom.
6. Concentrate on “being” not “having”
In his 1976 book, To Have or To Be?, Fromm says that what we are within ourselves and how we love others
(being) is much more important than the things we possess (having).
If you concentrate on money and possessions, you will be continually worried about holding
on to them and this will ruin your relationships.
So:
- live simply (with modest needs).
If your possessions are your life, you’ll be nothing if you lose them.
7. Control your own destiny
You, and nobody else, are responsible for your life.
So:
- work hard to make the most of your potential - find better ways of living.
- be creative - don't imitate others.
- stretch yourself - have the courage to leave your comfort zone.
8. Make the world a better place
People’s needs should be put first, so they must be spiritually fulfilled in a “sane society”
through:
- participation in politics.
- “healthy consumption” (with less greed and materialism and more concern for the
environment).
Key quotes on
relationships
Love is an attitude.
Immature love says ‘I love you because I need you’. Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you’.
If an individual is able to love productively, he loves himself too.
Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either.
Key quotes on
management
Respect...implies the absence of
exploitation.
To respect a person is not possible without knowing him.
Key quote on peace of
mind
Busyness is the means to protect one from the torture of being in the land
of shadows
Key
quote on creativity
Creativity requires the courage to let go of
certainties.
Key quotes on
happiness
If I am what I have and what I have is lost, who am
I?
Man always dies before he is fully born.
Key quote on
objectives and vision
Man’s main task is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially
is.
Key quote on
ethics
Our moral problem is man’s indifference to himself.
Key quote on
society
The danger of the past was that men became slaves.
The danger of the future is that men may become robots.
Key quote on
assertiveness
Live by yes and no - yes to everything good, no to
everything bad.
Key quote on
marketing
Modern man lives under the illusion that he knows
what he wants, while he actually wants what he is supposed to want.
Key quote on learning and
wisdom
The truth of a thing or idea is its meaning.
Key quote on
success
The great use of a life is to spend it for something that outlasts it.
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